My Two Cents on Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting has become quite a hot topic in the last few weeks. The TIME magazine cover has sparked a pretty roaring debate across the country about the methods of certain parents, particularly when it comes to the number of months they spend breastfeeding their children. However, if we are being honest, the first thing we have to admit is that most people – myself included – don’t know very much about this philosophy of parenting. For many people, the first real exposure they’ve had to this school of thought was a picture of a toddler dangling from his mother’s breast on the cover of a magazine. One can understand why that might have caused a strong reaction.

However, that cover is not the whole story, and in fact, I’m not even sure it’s really a part of the story. That picture was used specifically to get the response it has gotten. It was clearly going to bother people and that is usually what generates the most conversation. And it certainly has done that, so, mission accomplished. 

But, from an outsider perspective, the biggest problem with that photo is that it has completely taken the intimacy out of the experience of nursing. I remember having a conversation with one of my religious studies teachers in high school about the behaviors of some religious men in our neighborhood. I recall distinctly her telling me that I cannot and should not judge the entire religion based on people who practice it. It is a lesson that stuck with me, and it comes to mind today, when looking at attachment parents. From my limited understanding of the attachment theory, the idea is all about closeness and nurturing. I know nothing about the woman on that cover or her relationship with her children, but I know that picture does not send a message of closeness and nurturing. However, allowing ourselves to believe that this one photo of this one woman represents everything there is to know about attachment parenting is a big mistake.

In this Huffington Post article written by Alanis Morissette she discusses the most basic ideas behind attachment parenting. She addresses some of the issues that she knows people have, and touches on others that she acknowledges are worthy of a bigger conversation. I am not saying that I agree 100% with everything she has said, nor do I think this article is the end all of attachment parenting. But, I think it explains a lot of aspects of the theory that many people are unaware of. I recommend that all parents or parents-to-be read this article. For parents who think they may be interested in attachment parenting, this article may give you some insight into its benefits. For parents, like myself, who do not subscribe to this particular method of parenting, it is always a good idea to understand what is out there.

Most importantly, I think that we, the mothers of the world, need to start playing for the same team. Whether we nurse our children for 3 months, 30 months or no months. Whether our children sleep in our beds, in bassinets, or in cribs in their own rooms. We are all working the same job here. We are making the choices that we think are best for our children, and, as Alanis points out, for ourselves. We need to stop fighting each other. Let’s start giving other parents the benefit of the doubt that they have done their research and that the decisions they’ve come to make the most sense for them and their children. And let’s not judge entire philosophies based on a single photo.