The Problem with the "It Gets Better" Campaign

Let me start off by saying that I absolutely love the It Gets Better Project. For those unfamiliar, this campaign is a series of videos, spearheaded by Dan Savage, collecting stories from former victims of bullying. These individuals are now past their years of torment and they are reaching out to current sufferers to offer them the reassurance that it - life - does get better. These videos remind young people that the world they live in at this moment is a temporary and sheltered one. Though it can seem like hometown, USA is all there is, the world really does have much more to offer and the possibilities are truly endless on the other side of high school. It is a beautiful message and one that was and is desperately needed, particularly after a string of young gay men took their own lives in response to the merciless harassment they were being forced to endure. There is no question that this campaign has saved lives.

What, then, could possibly be the problem? Well, this is a parenting blog. I write this blog because I recognize that since the day I became a mother, I've begun looking at life through a different lens. And so I find myself wondering what the message of It Gets Better is to me, as a mother. On the one hand, there is the same positive application that exists for the young people it is geared towards. It provides us as parents with some comforting words to speak to our children if and when they are the victims of bullying. It allows us to acknowledge that their situation is awful and, without making excuses for it, reassure them that one day they will be out of the grips of their tormenters. It even may provide us with some relief to know that others like our children have not only survived, but that they are thriving.

On the other hand, however, I fear that the concept of "it gets better" may release us from our obligation to do something about this NOW. The point is that time marches on, circumstances change and situations will improve - all of which is true even if we do absolutely nothing. And while there is comfort in that notion - that no matter what, it won't be like this forever - I don't want to be absolved of my responsibility to work towards making the world a little safer for my son. I don't want children to think that bullying is just something they have to live with. I want to see the mothers and fathers, teachers and coaches continue to actively and unrelentingly fight against this epidemic.

I believe it is true that there will always be bullies. There will always be people who are insecure and who find their own self-worth in the degradation of others. There will also always be adults who are filled with ugly hatred and pass it down to their children as surely as they pass their genetic coding.  But that doesn't mean that we ever get to be complacent about it. The problem with "It Gets Better" is not in the campaign itself, it is in the way we may (mis)interpret it. We need to be careful not to confuse the light this project shines with the message that we must accept the darkness. Life will get better for children who are bullied, but the culture that exists in our schools and on our playgrounds will not if we do no't continue to wage war against it.