Let's Be Honest About Breastfeeding

During pregnancy, women spend a lot of time weighing decisions that they will soon have to face: Will I learn the sex of the baby prior to the birth? Will I use drugs during delivery? Who will be with me in the delivery room?  Where will my baby sleep? And possibly the question that concerns new parents the most - will I breastfeed or formula feed?

Deciding how to feed a baby is a personal decision that each mother must come to on her own. Many women choose to breastfeed after doing some research on the topic. They find information about the plethora of good nutrients in breast milk and the bonding power of nursing. They read testimonials of mothers who have loved the breastfeeding experience, and they are bombarded with the new mantra of pediatricians: breast is best. These women hear the positivity associated with breastfeeding and come to the conclusion to do so without hearing the whole story.

While it is true that there is much to be gained from nursing - the health benefits cannot be denied and the time that mommy and baby spend being so physically close is unlike any other - it is important to know that breastfeeding is far from a walk in the park. What many women fail to learn before giving birth is that breastfeeding is hard. In fact, often it's really hard. If a new mom enters motherhood expecting to jump right into successful nursing, chances are she is going to be extremely disappointed.

New moms need to have realistic expectations in those first few weeks. If nursing is important to a new mother, then she should understand that there is a certain amount of commitment involved in reaching breastfeeding nirvana. There may be days when she feels like quitting. There may be many days like that, in fact. Lactation consultants can be very useful at these times, giving tips on positioning and helping baby latch effectively. It's crucial to remember that, even with their natural instincts, babies do not emerge from the womb knowing exactly how to eat. And new moms don't have any idea what they are doing either. It would be unfair to assume that two clueless human beings would be able to figure out something so complex so quickly. Some babies have an easier time learning to nurse than others. New moms should try hard not to compare their own stories to those of friends or family. Each baby is going to be different.

So, to the moms who have embarked on the breastfeeding journey, I offer you this advice. Be patient. Know that it is absolutely normal to take some time to work out the kinks, and give yourself that time. Don't be too hard on yourself or your baby. Learning a new skill never happens overnight.

And to the moms out there who are not breastfeeding for one reason or another, I want to say this: there is a lot of positive hype out there surrounding breastfeeding and its importance, but at the end of the day how a mother feeds her baby has absolutely nothing to do with how good a mother she is. Many women try the breastfeeding thing before coming to the conclusion that it isn't going to work for them, and then feel tremendous guilt about giving it up. Others know before giving birth that it is not something they are interested in and choose formula from the start. Whatever the circumstance, it is important to remember that there are thousands of opportunities every day for us to show our babies how much we love them, and there is plenty of time for bonding, with or without a breast. When it comes to motherhood, our job is to do the best we can. Only a mother in her own individual situation can know what that means for her.